Let me just start by saying, I feel like crap. I've spent the last 3 days feeling rotten physically, had a cold. Something happens to me when my body gives into a cold or flu, I can't get away from my brain. In case I ever have the opportunity to forget about being bipolar, being sick always throws it back in my face.
I take medication for it, monitor my blood, do all the crap I'm suppose to do, but like any other problem, the solutions are not full proof. Like other, "normal", people, fever can make my mind play tricks on me, slow down my thoughts, make me act a little goofy, whatever. But for me, a fever, or a dose of cold medicine gives me a really quick jolt of mania. With my particular type, I don't get to have those days on end highs, with a hard crash down. I have days on end down with a couple minutes or hours of mania. its really easy to forget what it feels like to fly like that. Its that feeling of flying that keeps so many bipolar patients from taking meds. From discussions with friends (who've used multiple forms of speed) say the feeling is quite similar to cranking.
at any rate, cold medicine, on occasion triggers mania in me. Its a roller coaster. 10,000 things with 100's of possibilities to be found in each, charging through your skull. thoughts so many, so fast, its like trying to catch raindrops as to retain the totality of the idea. It feels like a tiny glimpse at our phenomenal brains capabilities. mind boggling, literally. Unfortunately when your body cant keep up with your brain, watch out. What a trip!!! your body seems asleep and i i feel some sort of in between awake and asleep, and my brain just keeps flying. It's truly disconcerting, I've never been so happy to be awoken as when this sort of thing happens.
If you cant tell by my writing, I'm still feeling some residual effects from the medicine. i will surely come back when I've returned to a more average state of mind, to clear up some of the craziness here.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow, when my normal insanity has reclaimed supremacy.
1 comment:
I just came back to read what jibberish I had to say during this bought of mania. This was pretty clear, and it didn't go on and on for pages. Some how ya'll got a taste without being spun around in my tornado. Good for you!!!
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