Be thankful for all life's gifts

This past weekend I got terrible news from an old friend. Her husband had died in a car accident. I met this her a little over ten years ago in Oklahoma. I had gotten a job at a local KFC where she was working. We had a couple odd commonalities. Our birthday's were two days apart (same year), and both our mothers lived in New Jersey. I know it sounds lame, but I was in the realm of the unknown, and it comforted me. But that's pretty much where our similarities ended. (well, accept that typical typical Leo stubbornness)

We both turned nineteen that summer. She had already had a beautiful little boy (he was not yet a year old). I, on the other hand, was very new too dealing with the opposite sex, and children were no where on my scope. The father of her baby was in an out of the picture, and in and out of jail. Before 1999 began, I was thrown out of my residence, and moved in with my boyfriend. Lets just say, at this point in both of our lives, there was never a dull moment. Betty was a good friend to me, when I had few. Her strength, work ethic, and being such a good mom (at her age) was a huge inspiration to me. She continues to inspire me.

I have not seen her in about eight years. A year or so ago, we came into contact again via my space. I was back in NJ, of course, and she had moved back to Arkansas near her dad. She had gotten married (to a good man, by all accounts) They had had a little girl together and he had adopted her two boys. Beth had gone back to school and become a nurse. Are you seeing why she inspires me? So needless to say, we've stayed in contact. Sunday I got a bulk send in my email saying only that her husband had died.

I never dreamt I could be so upset by the death of someone I'd never met. Just the thought of how horrible this was for Betty and for her children. It has been so long since I've seen her, but all I wanted to do was give her a hug. I her to know I cared, even though there was nothing I could do, and I would never understand her pain. So I did the only thing in my power to do, I went shopping for a sympathy card. After reading and reading, I found one that was not presumptive, pushy or completely devoid of emotion. When I got home that afternoon, I saw that his funeral would be the following day. I very much wanted to avoid sending her a card that would arrive after the funeral and viewings were over. I went online and sent her a potted peace plant to the funeral home. As I'm filling out the CC info on the florists website, I started crying. I do not cry easily. I cried off an on for about half an hour. I hated that she had this devastation thrust upon her. I hated feeling helpless. I hated crying about this. I hope this can give you all some prospective on how good our lives are. Let us all be thankful for all of our gifts.

Please, if you pray, please pray for Betty and her family.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The opposite sex: preference or racism?

I'm one of those people who thinks way to much. Surely if you've read this blog before, you know this. But, I've had this one thought banging around my brain for awhile. Perhaps, its a guilt place holder. You know, when I don't have anything pressing to feel guilty for, it just pops up on the front burner. At any rate, I need some input.



Everyone has turn-ons and turn-offs when it comes to attraction to the opposite sex. Build, hair or eye color, voice, mannerisms, can flip the switch from yeah to ney. Are these preferences really prejudices? Lets really look at this, there are definitely women who will not even consider dating a man shorter then themselves, and many men don't want to date a women taller then them (hahaha). Most of us don't like to think ourselves guided by whats on the surface, but it gets us all to some extent.

So here's my personal issue: I'm only attracted to men of my own race. I think this is often true, but most people aren't wasting time thinking on this. This keeps getting put to me often lately, as my mother has decided me an old maid. I swear every man she sees is a possible mate for me. I don't want to relive the string of odd balls she's found to be good for me, but they are always outside my race. If I was attracted to someone I wouldn't blow it off if they were another race, it just hasn't happened. Why is this bugging me? Is it just my nagging need to worry about something or to be hard on myself? Or, am I just a closeted bigot?

Rant on Hate

I'm going to do something different in this post. I try to keep my politics to my other blog, but the point of this blog has it's roots in politics, so here we go. This Monday, of course, we elected a new president, a man of color, Barack Obama. No matter how you feel about him winning the highest office in the land, based on his politics, he won. Despite our country being full of moronic racists assholes, he won. We all have different prejudices. We'd be lying to ourselves to think that we don't. This is mine. I am extremely prejudiced against racist people. It is very hard for me to tolerate this type of person. To my own detriment, at times, I will tell anyone what I think of them and their warped opinions. I grew up in a family that taught me to be colorblind. Until I was near middle school age, I had never imagined that there were people out in the world that actually still discriminated against people based on race. Before then, it was history to me. People harboring this kind of hate within themselves repulse me. And now, let me get to the reason I've set off on this rant.

My mother and I went to do a cleaning job today (as we do 3 days a week). I must note now, my mother has a HUGE amount of friends, and double the acquaintances. One such people, today, felt obligated to send mom a barrage of text messages on her phone. Each one, a more grotesque representation of racism through attempted humor. Upon hearing, what would end up to be the most tame of the messages, I was thoroughly disgusted. My frustrated response was (more hateful then I'd actually act on) that someone needed to burn a cross on her lawn. After hearing the others I was ready to go beat the crap out of her. Not likely to happen, I do strive for peace LOLhahahhahahahhahaha. No really I do.

I guess, besides my rant on assholes here, the message I'm trying to convey is: Speak up when people are being jerks. Not saying anything, when someone is telling a racist joke or complaining about people based on race or religion. Complacency breeds hate just as spreading the evil thoughts does. Have the balls to tell people how you really feel. The haters aren't afraid of the repercussions to there speech, neither should we.

(I'll read any comments, but if they are hateful, they'll be swiftly deleted)

Thank for reading
sarah